Today we SHOULD be boarding a plane. We should be anxiously anticipating our arrival in St. Petersburg on Monday. We should be beyond excited about our visit with Levi on Tuesday...a great way to spend Valentine's Day! We should be nervous about court on my birthday Wednesday. We should be hoping to get another visit with our OFFICIAL son again on Thursday before we board a plane back to the States that night. We should be dreading the LONG flight home after a tearful goodbye but at peace knowing that in only 30 days we will return to pick him up and bring Levi home FOREVER...
But it appears that was OUR plan...God had a different plan. A plan we don't know yet. A plan we daily pray over. A plan I daily cry over. But a plan we trust will be perfect because the God of all creation...the creator of my life, of Dustin, Carsyn, Sara Kate and Levi... wrote it. As I watched my two precious girls yesterday I couldn't help but think "He created such blessings through a plan that was NOT my own (if you know the story behind each of them you know their conception and birth's were vastly different and neither were anything like I planned them to be) yet here we are and I wouldn't change a thing." It was HIS perfect plan.
I know I am not the only mother that has looked at her child and thought "Surely this wasn't THE PLAN?" I have several friends right now dealing with the illness of a child; unsure of how it will all turn out. I know deep down they are seeking comfort, peace and answers to the change in the plans they had for their family. I think back to Mary. What she must have been thinking as she saw her SON...the savior of the world but most all, her baby boy...being beaten and mocked, suffering as he hung on a cross til his death? At that moment she must have thought "This can't be what God intended." Even Jesus himself in "the Garden" of Gethsemane asked if their was any other way. He "struggled" with a plan that He wouldn't choose BUT He trusted His Father's plan was best. Now, looking back 2000 years we KNOW there was never a more perfect plan.
Today I am right where I SHOULD be. It still hurts and I still struggle everyday with worry and fear. But when I look at Levi, I trust in the cross (the most unconventional plan ever). God captures my heart over and over again through this trial and I'm always reminded He is in control, He is faithful, He is sovereign! Faith, Trust and Hope...we have all of these things in the most High God and I have no doubt there will be a day I will look back and see there was never a more perfect plan for my family.
Thankful He has allowed me to be part of His plan....
Please remember to pray for our family and our adoption process everyday at 11:17 am...or whenever you can! We are so thankful for your prayer!
I have always found comfort in music and lately God has used it to "calm me down" on days when I just want to lose it. This song is beautiful and if you listen to the words it brings to light just how human AND holy Jesus really was....and the guitar in it is amazing :)
Lord, please make me more like you! :)
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