Licking the Bowl...



The birthday boy and Prince of the Polk castle!

The "homemade" Pillsbury cake!













 

We've had quite a weekend celebrating Dustin's birthday! Times have definitely changed....the only guilt now associated with our "crazy parties" is the amount of calories we consumed:) (Thank you God for your mercy in our younger years!) Of course, even though we have grown so much in our spritiual walk since becoming "adults" we still have so far to go. I think it's a never ending process. The more we know, the more we realize we don't know.  Once God allows us to grasp one concept, we discover another we are totally confused by. This alone is enough to keep us constantly seeking Him and studying His Word, but I'm really beginning to understand how much I need God's direction when it comes to parenting....

Around the Polk house we have a birthday tradition. Everyone gets a homemade birthday cake on their birthday...and by homemade I mean from a box but cooked in our oven and decorated with love:) Yesterday, while Sara Kate was napping, Carsyn and I decided it was a perfect time to work on daddy's cake.  I measured out all of the ingredients and let Carsyn pour them in. She even cracked all three eggs into the bowl without having to fish out any of the shells...pretty impressive for a five year old! After putting the cake in the oven we began what naturally comes next...licking the bowl:) Now you would think after thirty years of cake batter, Dustin and I would just be nice and let the girls have it all. Absolutely NOT! There is just no substituion for some good yellow cake batter! We all still fight over the beaters, the bowl and the spoon:) Luckily this time, Sara Kate was asleep and Dustin wasn't around so Carsyn and I had it all to ourselves.  She grabbed one beater and I got the other. We started licking the outside of the beater, once they were all clear, we started on the inside. It was then that it hit me...I felt like I was looking in a mirror! She was following the exact same "licking routine" that I do. It was like a sunchronized event and I could see myself in her. I stopped to soak in the moment. Then I asked her, "Why do you do it like that?" As she continued licking she said, "Do what?" I replied, "Lick the outside of every prong before licking the inside." She casually said, "I don't know momma. I just always watch you do it that way." WOW! Without intending to teach her how to lick the beaters, I have instilled in her a very specific routine to follow. What else have I unintentionally taught my child? I am hopeful there have been a lot of great lessons I've unknowingly passed on, but I'm fearful there have been negative ones as well.



Mommy and Carsyn "licking" it up! :)

A few years back I realized (thanks to a great Beth Moore study, Daniel) that if we aren't living intentional lives for the Lord then we will be consumed by the world. As a couple, it's been sort of a theme for how we make decisions with our finances but honestly hasn't seeped into our parenting. Oh how much we have to learn! :) You would think being parents for a whole five years now we'd sort of have this thing figured out. (I do hope you can hear the sarcasm in my voice with this last sentence:)  Just when I think we are doing ok, God uses something (usually precious, silly Carsyn) to show me just like everything else in life, parenting is a never ending process that constantly changes and evolves. Please don't misunderstand me, we do teach scripture, Bible stories, and pray with our children. But this moment in our kitchen was a reminder that those times I unintentionally begin to let me faith settle I'm not only affecting my "walk" but my children see it too.  I know the only constant in this world is Christ. I must be intentional in sharing, modeling and exhibiting my faith to my daughters. The best way for this to happen...through my daily life with a heart consumed for Him.

There is a song that perfectly captures my intentions for life in words. If I can achieve this only a fraction of the time, I know my girls will be forever impacted for the Kingdom of Christ. The song is Hosanna and this is my hearts desire...

"Heal my heart and make it clean,

Open up my eyes to the things unseen.

Show me how to love like you have loved me.

Break my heart for what breaks yours,

Everything I am for your Kingdom's cause.

As I walk from Earth into Eternity"

http://youtu.be/AQGJdTpMUcU

Our adoption journey continues, as I mentioned before we are in a "holding" pattern:) We have several weeks before we expect to be "paper ready" and I sincerely believe this wait time is a "God-thing." We need this time to pray and discern our next step in this "radical walk." Please continue to pray for God's wisdom and provision in our adoption! For now, all I have to share are the little life moment's God uses to speak to me:) But really, it's these times that make the journey so significant.

Sara Kate enjoying daddy's birthday breakfast...
she ate the tops off of 3 sprinkle donuts
 & she totally did her hair herself today:)

 I do want to wish my sweet husband a very Happy Birthday! I'm so thankful we get to 'walk this road' together:) I hope this year is even better than the last! I love you...and only you know how much:) Also, I feel the need for a little disclaimer...I'm very aware of the "danger" associated with eating cake batter:) However, when it comes to something so delicious, I take into consideration the risk vs. benefit model and have determined the benefit far outweighs the risk! I've been eating it since I was a kiddo and wouldn't dare deprive my babies of something so wonderful! :) ENJOY! 

It's a girl...but it wasn't a tumor!

Have you ever heard someone say... "God's timing is perfect." Or "God's plan is better than our plan." I have heard it, I have said it. But do we really believe it? This summer Dustin and I will celebrate our 10th anniversary (which doesn't seem possible!) So it will be ten years ago this fall that we met some very dear friends of ours and a couple I'd consider to be one of our first "married" friends. Over the years we became very close to the Dorough's and got to experience many important life events and transitions with them, including their battle with infertility. I saw the heartache they went through month after month and numerous failed attempts to conceive a child. Defeated, they "gave up" the fight and gave it to God. Seven years ago they were given less than a 1% chance of ever conceiving "A" child. Today, I received a text from Gina..."IT'S A GIRL!" Not only is this baby girl so special because according to doctors it would take a miracle for her to get here, but she is super special because she is their THIRD child (conceived without fertility treatment) and their only girl! She has two big "miracle" brothers waiting to cover her with kisses. I immediately teared up at the text. God is so good and yes, this is way better than they could have planned!

The tears came so easily not only because I was overjoyed for these sweet friends but from being already emotional over the news I had just received moments before the text. Last Wednesday, Carsyn's teacher was experiencing a lot of pain in her side. She went to the doctor thinking it was appendicitis only to hear they weren't sure what was wrong and ordered more tests on Friday. On Monday morning, Mrs. Sharon was not at school. We were asked to pray for her. The test on Friday did reveal her appendix needed to be removed immediately. During the emergency surgery, the doctor found a 'softball size' tumor on her colon. He was able to remove it but had to remove part of the organ as well. On Monday, the prognosis was unknown and they were hoping for the best. The pessimistic voice in my head kept saying, "a softball size tumor can not be good!" Over the past two days I have been so burdened for this dear family. I've been praying God's will over her healing and diagnosis but selfishly asking why "we" ever have to endure such trials. Dropping Carsyn off today, I was welcomed by the news that the pathology report came back...it isn't cancer! Not only that, it wasn't a tumor!!! It seems that her appendix had ruptured at some point last week and the "tumor" they found on her colon was actually a pocket of tissue that had collected the toxins instead of letting the poison leak into her body.  God perfectly orchestrated her illness, her surgery, her healing, her testimony...His plan IS so much better than ours!

We had our final home study interview today. It went great! We have such a sweet social worker that is sensitive to our crazy "walk" and is so encouraging and helpful. So, now we wait! We wait for the whole compilation of forms, clearances, and paperwork to be completed in "perfect" timing. When we began this process we committed to each other not to stress or become anxious...this is not my nature:) Tonight, the insanity of the cost and process began to weigh on me. As always, Dustin came to my rescue and reminded me to "be still." He reminded me this is not our adoption, this is God's and we will just be obedient and see where He leads. I find that in the midst of the "highs" I will be attacked and sometimes, I hate to admit, drug down to the "lows". It's in the stillness that I begin to second guess and turn my focus back to worldly things. This is when the reality of how "radical" this walk actually is sinks in and I wonder... "what on earth are we doing?" :) But, it's also in this stillness that God reminds me through the good news for sweet friends that "His plan is way better than mine!"

the widow & a dollar fifty-five

Our first "donation" to help us
"bring Carsyn's brother home." :)

For so many of us the phrase "childlike faith" has become just a cliche. It's kind of sad really because the bible is filled with examples of children being used to teach us something.(some examples: Matthew 18:5,18:10, 19:14, Mark 10:16) This story is no different. A few weeks ago I went "home" to Mississippi for the girls spring break. While there I was visiting with some very dear friends of ours. We had a great night of conversation and I got to try my first Rueben ever:) Who knew sauerkraut and corned beef was good alone, much less eaten together on some strange bread? But it was delicious! Anyway, much of the night was spent discussing and brainstorming fundraising ideas for our adoption. These sweet friends are some of our biggest supporters and "cheerleaders". They are truely "kindred spirits" as God has placed a HUGE call on their lives as well. We've gotten to walk along side the Weaver's as they created a ministry equipping and enabling believers in Cuba. They have been able to share with us the first hand feeling of seeing an "impossible task" totally come to life because of God's faithfulness. Standing in their kitchen that night I spoke very openly about our fear of coming up with so much money (at this time we were thinking it was ONLY going to cost $45,000). During our conversation I noticed their 8 year old daughter come in and whisper something to her mother. She then ran off. A few minutes later, sweet Ella reappeared with an envelope from her with my name on it. Inside, was $1.55. Everything she had she gave to us with "childlike faith"...and that's no cliche! (Matthew 18:4  "Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.")  In that moment, I knew what God was communicating to me. This precious litlle girl saw a need, found a way to meet it and without question, she acted. That's the faith of a child...


Sweet friends...although it's hard to believe
they are the same age:) Carsyn is so tall!

There are two groups of people God clearly demostrates His favor for in scripture...the orphans (children) and the widows. (Exodus 22:22-23, Deuteronomy 27:19, Psalm 68:5, James 1:27) I don't think it is any coincidence that he has used both to "enlighten" me over the past few weeks. Today was Carsyn's preschool fieldtrip to the Zoo. Other than the fact that we were 30 minutes late....if you know us well, you're aware of "polktime" :) We are consistently 10 minutes late to everything. So even on "polktime" we were running behind this morning. And speaking of, how on earth will I ever be on time with 4 children if I can't even do it with 2? :)....it was a perfect day! The weather was gorgeous and I got to spend some fun time with just my girls because we weren't there for the group meeting to know what we were suppose to be doing:). At the lion exhibit we ran into one of Carsyn's friends from school. She is a precious little hispanic girl who at the beginning of the year couldn't speak English and now, just 8 months later, can rival Carsyn with who talks the most! Her mother invited us to walk with them, as they had also missed the group. It was nice getting to know their family. I wish I was better about reaching beyond my small circle of family and friends and investing in other's lives. It's something I'm working on:) We were at the kangeroo play area when Sara Kate began to have a meltdown because of some mud she stepped in. At the same time, Carsyn was about to SIT in the "river" where you can pan for "gold" causing a little scene. I heard that voice in my head say, "How are you going to handle four? What a daunting "task" this will be?" I looked at my new "friend" making sure she wasn't embarrassed by the scene and jokingly said..."Can you believe we are adopting more? Am I crazy?" She answered, "No you are so blessed. I wish I could have more children." We were interupted at that moment...I think by Sara Kate's insistency on being cleaned up:) But I revisited the conversation on the way to get ice cream. I asked this sweet mother, "Is she your only child?" She shook her head yes and then continued, "My husband was killed 3 years ago. You see that's why I can't have more. I wish I was in your situation." Maybe for the first time ever, I was speechless. It's so easy to concentrate on the challenges we face instead of the incredible blessing God has enrusted with us. We continued walking but I privately talked to God...thanking Him for reminding me through this precious widow that adopting these babies is a blessing, not a "task". This is a gift from Him, not a burden we've been called to bear...

I asked the girls to share an ice cream at the zoo....Sara Kate definitely got the bad end of this deal!

My silly Sara Kate!

"SO LONG SELF..."



I did love my MDX but when I think of what we're trading
the word "sacrifice" doesn't even come to mind:)



YES that is a MINIVAN parked in my garage!
AND I LOVE IT:)



The first major step we've made in this adoption has been selling my car...I guess you can say "my dream car." I've never been a car person but if I could pick any car I would want to drive, I would probably pick my MDX. It was roomy but sporty, a sleek stylish SUV that drove like a fun car with every option available and our favorite part...it was MAROON! When we discovered our adoption expenses were probably going to be double our original estimate (because there would now be two children) the first thought that came to mind was...sell the Acura. We had a lot of equity in it and knew it would provide a significant chunk of our adoption expenses...well, enough to get us through the beginning phase anyway:) But that of course meant parting with one of my favorite possessions. We listed the car and researched various avenues to sell it. Within a week, we had a buyer. After a pretty smooth transaction we walked away with a nice "little" check and the reassurance we needed to keep moving forward. Someone commented that they couldn't believe the "sacrifice" we were making. I guess we never really thought of it that way because God has graciously brought us to a place where investing in people is more important than investing in things. The song "So Long Self" by MercyMe played in my head as I walked away from the MDX. It was a symbol of "the me", before God captured my heart for this radical adoption journey, moving aside so He could carry out His plan for our lives. But this is where God shows us His  sense of humor. I have always said I would never drive a minivan. But after shopping around and admiring my sweet friends' Odyssey my mind has opened quite a bit. Perspectives have a way of changing when possibly four children (three in carseats, one in a booster) are involved. I began to look at big SUV's and see the hassle of climbing to the back to buckle a carseat. I pictured Carsyn (as graceful as she is :) ) swinging that big door into the car parked next to us. I considered the average size garage in our home and wondered if I could park a large SUV inside and still walk around to unload all four children. Suddenly, a minivan seemed not only to be an economical option...it seemed like it would make life a little easier:) We shopped around, considered many options and ended up getting a great deal on a used Honda Odyssey. Is it sleek, sporty and fun to drive? No...but it is convenient, affordable and MY GIRLS LOVE IT!

Sara Kate playing in the new "toy!"

 I promise this van could be a babysitter. They would stay in the garage and play in the van for hours if we'd let them! And the best part...it's WHITE! (Go Bulldogs:) )  Really, the best part...it's brought us that much closer to being able to bring our babies home. I love this minivan not because of the convenience and extra funds it made available but because of what it represents to us....FAITH. We believe and trust that God is going to provide a way for us to bring home two little boys so strongly that we bought a minivan:)





"Seeing Double"

So we just "officially" began our adoption journey a little over a week ago. By "officially" I mean, submitted our application to the agency and began the contract and homestudy "phase". This is something we've been praying about for 5 years and began planning last summer. And it's a good thing we took the time to "pre-plan" because once we jumped in...it was with both feet for sure!

We had been planning to do a yard sale for about 2 months to kick off our adoption fundraising. It was a good way to clean out our house, raise a little money to go towards our adoption expenses and start telling people about the adoption and future fundraisers we are planning. As I began to tell people about the adoption and the yard sale we had several precious friends and neighbors offer to donate items for us to sell. To be honest, I was so grateful for their support but I didn't really expect this "fundraiser" to really raise many funds:) I have limited experience with yard sales but have always heard they are a lot of work without a lot of results. I just wanted to get some of our "stuff" out of the house and thought this was a great way to do it. Our attitude going into the adoption was "we are going to take it slow...we aren't in any hurry." (Which is code for, "We have to come up with $45,000 so the longer we drag our feet the better" :) ) So a yard sale seemed to be the perfect, low-key first step.

The Monday night before the yard sale we got a call from "our agency". They had called both Dustin and I several times that day so we were concerned something was wrong. They were calling to see if we were fleixble about our program. Specifically, would we be willing to switch to Russia. Now this was something we had already discussed together. We decided a few days prior to this phone call that we were not going to limit God in this process. So we were going to be flexible about almost everything...just as long as we ended up with at least one boy:) That, of course, was Dustin's contribution:) So if that means God provides us a child from Russia, then we will go to Russia. After I finished explaining our "not going to limit God" approach, the lady on the other end says, "Well, we have 10 month old twin boys available in Russia right now." I immediately felt myself limiting the situation...TWINS, RUSSIA, NOW? Really God? How? We left it at we are going to be very diligent in getting our paperwork/homestudy ready and then if these little guys are still available, we can make a decision.

Of course, we are too early in the process to be able to give an immediate answer. But in that one phone call we went from being nervous about adopting one child in Serbia in possibly the next 12 months for $45,000 to totally "okay" with adopting twins in Russia in 4-5months for $80,000.  There's no explanation:)

The urgency for raising money and awareness of our adoption increased with the knowledge of the twins. We are praying for God to show us clearly if these babies are our children. I believe this will be answered in the next few weeks. If it does not work out for us to adopt the twin boys, then I do feel like God has shown us our easy acceptance for two for a reason. So now we know regardless, we have A LOT of money to raise! As the yard sale approached I was a little nervous that maybe we should've been working toward something more "productive" in raising money. I set a "personal" goal. I actually told God the night before that if we could just make $500 at this yard sale than I'd find that encouragement enough to keep working to get these twins.

The yard sale was this past Saturday. We had a great day! It was beautiful! We had wonderful items donated to sell and several of our Fellowship friends and Haddington neighbors came over to support and encourage us. (I can't tell you how much you all mean to us!) We met some really nice people and were able to share our adoption blog and even had some fundraising suggestions given to us. It was a very humbling and special day. While we were packing up, Dustin took the money inside to figure out how much we had raised. We had run out of garbage bags so I was heading to the store, but just before I left, he told me we had made just over $1200! I was really excited but focused on getting the day finished so I jumped in the car and headed to Walmart. A few minutes down the road...in that quiet, calm drive I felt the Lord say, "I doubled your goal because I doubled your adoption."