"Why have you stopped blogging?" This is something I am frequently asked. The truth is...I'm BUSY and exhausted :) Physically, mentally, emotionally. My infrequent updates aren't intentional I'm just usually running non-stop all day until the girls go to bed and then if I sat down long enough to type an update I'd fall asleep! (Maybe a little exaggeration there but not much...Dustin can vouch for this :)) And most days I don't know what to say. Don't get me wrong, I have a lot I WANT to say. It just takes a lot of energy to figure out what I SHOULD say. This may sound sad or pitiful, and the truth is if there is one way to describe how I've felt that past 9 months it would be broken. BUT it's good...really good! I've learned more about faith, grace, love and depravity since beginning this process than I have in my entire 30 years prior to it. Broken is beautiful! Exhaustion from soul-searching and much prayer is wonderful! Laying on my face in tears before the only ONE that can fix "it" is total comfort. Notice I have never mentioned easy :) But all of that to say, most day's I have to prioritize what gets my energy and lately the blog has suffered from my "adoption exhaustion." :)
So "WHAT'S GOING ON WITH THE ADOPTION?" A question I get asked multiple times a day...and I appreciate it every time it gets asked! While I feel like a broken record sometimes it is such a blessing to have so many people around us that CARE and want to know what's going on and how to pray for us!
Here is where we are:
We spent the week of Thanksgiving (last blog post) with our precious little boy! I know I mentioned before but in case you missed it I'll say it again...HE IS PERFECT! The trip was amazing! Everything went as smoothly as it could have...until we traveled home. The trip home was just shy of awful and unfortunately, things with our adoption process haven't really improved since! But as my 'eternal optimist better-half' says, "It could be A LOT worse!" I know he is right but as I've mentioned before on this blog (more than once) I have a tendency to pitch a fit when things don't go exactly as 'I-I-I-Me-Me-Me' have planned (usually it's a fit just inside my head and heart; although the poor man at United Airlines got to hear a real fit throwing after we returned home...but that one was totally justified :)). So, of course, when we returned home from Russia with certain expectations of how the rest of this process would go, any diversion from that plan wasn't welcomed :)
The first week home Dustin and I stayed in a 'zombie-like' state from the crazy week we'd had and the crazy jet lag that came with the trip. Once recovered we got on the task of getting the little documentation we had left to prepare for court done and other preparations necessary for Levi to come home. Keep in mind this was also prime Christmas season festivities time! Class parties, programs, church functions, travel and family fun! It was a busy time to say the least. I know everyone reading this can relate...even if you're not in the middle of an adoption :)
The evening of Dec. 23rd we were all dressed up and ready to go spend time with some of our best, most dear friends that we never get to see! I was excited...we miss the Lewis' and Weaver's SO MUCH! That's when the call came. Even though we were walking out the door to meet our friends I answered the phone. It was our agency and we had been told we would probably get our court date that week so I was happy and anxious answering the phone to find out when we'd be heading back to Russia for court! Imagine my disappointment when instead I hear...well, there has been an issue. For the sake of our situation I can not go into detail with what happened but just know the "issue" created another 3 weeks of paperwork, meeting's with our social worker and trips to Montgomery. This "issue" was beyond our control or the control of our agency, it was totally unanticipated (never happened before) and affected every family adopting in our region, not just us. However, I can say our agency and social worker are AMAZING! Without their support and help (working during Christmas!!!) we would probably still be sorting through this mess! But they are just as passionate about getting Levi home ASAP as we are and knew the longer we waited getting the additional documentation done, the longer it would be before we get our baby boy home! For privacy reasons I can not share the name of either organization on this blog until after our process is over, BUT if you or someone you know is interested in adopting please email me and I'll send you all of their contact information. Our agency and social worker are truly God sent!!!
On Tuesday of last week, our "updated" file was submitted for translation and will then be re-submitted to the judge for approval. We are praying we will find out our court date by the end of this month and there will be no more "issues." At this time, we are praying to have Levi home in March. Please cover this in prayer also!
You did not receive Christmas cards from us this year...we didn't send them. This was actually, at first, my way of "acting out" since Levi wasn't home yet. In one of my pity parties I decided we weren't sending Christmas cards this year if our whole family couldn't be on them! I made ONE just for us...with Levi on it...and that was it. I was sad my baby boy wasn't going to be here for Christmas...after all this is the 2nd Christmas of his life we missed. I had the "right" to be upset, right? Then a few days later I was reading the Caringbridge site of precious little boy I have followed for 5 years through his diagnosis and battle with cancer and then sadly his death just this past year. His mom wrote "For Christmas this year we are adding new traditions, changing some and then some we are avoiding altogether because they are too painful (for example, you will not be receiving Christmas cards from us this year since our whole family can not be on it.)" OK, WOW! I'm pouting because my son isn't home...yet! What if my story was the same as this precious mother? Please don't misunderstand...I believe God's plan is perfect and I hope(pray) if that is ever my situation I will be able to handle it with the same faith and courage that this family has but why am I wasting precious time right now pitching a fit over something that may not be ideal, but it's not tragic. It's a new life being added to our family...a blessing, just not in MY timing! God is being glorified through this adoption. During our last "issue" we saw Him do some things in the lives of 3 other people that wouldn't have happened if we hadn't had our "issue." We could see His hand in our situation even though we may have been a little inconvenienced, God was using that "issue" (and our response to it) to affect other people. So why do I hesitate and have those initial moments of childish outbursts (even though they may not be outwardly the ONE that matters sees it!) instead of just trusting His plan and giving Him glory through the "hiccup?" This life isn't about ME...even though I seem to need a daily reminder of that :)
Adoption has shown me the "yuck" I am filled with. No matter how much I pray, study and serve, without the grace of my Savior I am nothing! My head knew this before we started the adoption but now my heart is convinced. I see the abundance of my unworth yet I am loved more than I could ever deserve! If it wasn't for my own adoption through the cross, I would always be a filthy, snotty, little child desperately seeking the approval of the world! But because of the sacrifice Christ made for us, I am justified...even when I pitch a fit because I don't get MY way :)
I am so thankful for His love, but mostly for His grace! Thankful with ALL of my heart...
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